Damn the MAN

Well, unfortunately, the Welbutrin decided to attack my body last night after my walk on the treadmill. I suddenly got insanely dizzy which lasted for hours afterwards, despite checking my sugar levels and all other things that might have caused such an episode, I'm going to have to admit it was the fucking Welbutrin. So, here we are, with no more of it in our system, feeling better physcially, but still kinda bummed that I won't be having my vacation from depression afterall.

Oh well, life goes on and all of that shit.

I'm just glad that I was able to count on my Sis in law to watch Jezi for me so that I wasn't stumbling around dizzy trying to keep up with her all day. I totally owe her a big one for this. I just hope Jezi behaved herself. I haven't gotten a call saying otherwize, but sometimes people are too nice and don't let you know that your kid was a holy terror until after you pick them up. ;-)

On a positive note, it appears that my period is finally making an appearance, it's about fucking time, and so no worries on the pregancy front this month. Yay for that! Wouldn't want to really have to make a life or death decision right now, especially without the allure of the pain masking antidepressants. ;-)

On other news, I also successfully walked/jogged (yes I did jog, you heard right, it was only for .05 of a mile, but hell, for me that is something to write home about) for half a mile in 9 minutes. I also did a rocking 30 minutes of pilates all focusing on the abs, so I'm super proud of myself for that.

Oh, and my hair now fits in a really cute pony tail, so the growing it out just got a hellava lot easier. :-)

Nothing else to report thus far, so I'll say goodbye for now and I hope you enjoyed it. Come again soon. ;-)

Tomorrow's another day, and I'm not afraid...

so bring on the rain.

Well, started a new medication today, Wellbutrin. I was on Zoloft originally for PMDD, which also seemed to help with my bipolar and anxiety symptoms. I was pleased with how well it worked for all three of those issues, but unfortunately I wasn't pleased with the way it decreased my ability to have an orgasm and also the way it made me super forgetful. I felt like I was an idiot half the time because I would forget the littlest things. Then when it came to sex, I wanted it just as much as ever, but had an incredibly hard time actually having an orgasm during sex. It is an awful feeling, I'm telling you.

I took my first dose at noon, about 3 hours ago, and so far so good. I have a bit of nervous energy and can't seem to decide exactly what it is that I want to do. But other than that I feel relatively normal so far. In the past I've had a lot of side effects with my medications that I've been put on, but I'm hoping maybe I've finally found the right fit for me.

It's really difficult for me to function on medication, but at the same time, sometimes I need a break from the anxiety and depression that comes along with my bipolar and anxiety issues. It can be very difficult to live my life to the fullest while dealing with these symptoms.

If any of you out there have been in the same boat as me, and have had issues with finding the right medication for you, I wish you luck. I am hoping that this is the one for me, but if I don't like this one, I may have to go without anything and cope with everything solo. I know I can do that, because I've obviously done it many times before. I don't look forward to it, though.

I'll try and keep you updated and let you know how it's going.

Getting back on track

Well, I have to say that the last week or so I haven't been as industrious as I had been in previous weeks. I did still manage to loose a pound last week, bringing me down to 140 lbs. That's a total of 5lbs. lost so far.

I had a heat rash a few weeks ago which prevented me from working out because everytime I did it itched liked crazy. LOL Then I finally got over that, but just lacked the motivation to do anything last week as well. I decided to allow myself this break with the understanding I'd get back on track this week. Last night I did some yoga with Shane, because he suddenly wanted to get started with it for his martial arts training, and so I felt obligated to do it to. I couldn't just watch him exercise and sit like a lump in my recliner. LOL

I'm super excited because Nicole will be visiting soon, which is a huge surprise. Her mom decided to fly her in, and I'm totally bouncing off the walls waiting to hear when she'll be coming. I think it's great and I'm really looking forward to seeing her. I know she'll be spending time with her family as well, but I'm hoping she'll be here long enough that I get at least a day or two with her. I am really really really super excited. Can you tell? :-)

Fourth of July was great for us. Mom kept Jezi and we got to go to the traditional annual BBQ on our own, which was wonderful. I really enjoied getting to relax and hang out without worrying about keeping up with the kiddo. Usually I'm chasing her all over the place all day and I'm exhausted by the time I get home, but this year was much more peaceful.

Next weekend is our annual post 4th of July party at our house. We'll be shooting off the remainder of our fireworks and just hanging out with family and friends. It's always a great time for everyone, including the kids. They always have fun playing in the pool in the afternoon and then shooting off the fireworks at night. We always have a lot of the big display ones as well because my father in law owns a fireworks stand so we get a lot of really fun ones. :-)

The following weekend we have Shane's brother and sister in laws post 4th of July party to go to as well as a parent circle event at the church that Saturday.

In case you can't tell, our family goes a little 4th of July crazy. LOL We're also a little halloween and christmas crazy as well. We decorate our entire house for both Halloween and Christmas. I usually put up the Halloween stuff at the beginning of October and take it down after the holiday and then I put up Christmas stuff the same day I take down the Halloween stuff. LOL

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Ah...a break

I am so glad that today and tomorrow are my break days. LOL I nearly killed myself yesterday with church in the morning, then a mile on the treadmill, then extra pilates, and then another mile before bed. UGH. The only thing that got me through it was the fact that I'd have the next two days off.

My favorite pilates disc was scratched beyond repair and so I couldn't do my usual exercises this week and I didn't get the replacement until Saturday night so I was trying to make up for the fact that I didn't get the best workouts this week. I found alternatives at sparkpeople.com for my pilates exercises, but they weren't quite as effective as my Denise Austin Hit The Spot Pilates, which I love. It targets the hips, the thighs, and the butt for 3 10 minutes workouts and it's done wonders. I had already lost several inches.

I've been really proud of myself for keeping up with it all over the past few weeks, despite not wanting to do it and being tired. It is worth it and I can't give up if I ever want to reach my goal.

I hope all of you out there are keeping up with your own goals as well.

I have had several unfortunate things happen this week. A good friend of my father's is really sick with pancreatic cancer and he's only got a few days left. My Dad is visiting him and I'm glad he was able to go be with him, but I know how hard it is for him. Another friend of the family, a grandmother of my dear friends and my grandfather's companion also died this weekend. The service is Thursday and I wish there was something I could do to help them through such a difficult time.

Accountability

I just wanted to put it out there for accountability. I just started with a new program called spark people it's at http://www.sparkpeople.com/ and it's a free service that you can use to help loose weight and get healither. It gives you a way to track your intake and your exercise. It gives you a meal plan that you can use or you can do your own and just input it. It also gives you exercise options to use and calculates it up for you or lets you do your own routine and input the data for it. It's a really awesome program and has tons of support options if you need it. I definately would check it out if I were you.

If you want to look me up http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage.asp?id=midnitechandra

Power Failure

Well, it was an interesting weekend to say the least. Friday evening right before our Child Free weekend that we were so excited abng out, a short but very powerful storm blew through the area and our power was cut off. Expecting a quick return of power, as is usually the case, we settled in for a few hour wait hanging out with my cousin who was visiting. We talked and bullshitted for a while and then decided to go ahead and get our grocery shopping out of the way, figuring the power would be on by the time we got home. No such luck.

The rest of the weekend, we handled crisis after crisis. Jezi's babysitter had to be changed because her Godparents where supposed to keep her but had no power as well. Granny and Pop saved the day and took Jezi Saturday night which was a blessing. Her Godparents would have taken her anyway, but we didn't want to put them through the stress of keeping a toddler occupied with no tv and happy with no A/C.

We ended up getting a hotel room for the hottest day and night, Saturday. It was pretty fun. We had a really nice room, with a pretty extensive little kitchen area. We played video games, watched movies, and had a nice dinner out. It was a lot of fun.

Despite having to take groceries to Mom's to keep them good, and running around a lot to avoid the boredom and the heat, we had a wonderful anniversary weekend celebration. We talked a lot and spent way more time together than we would have had we had power. It was really nice and really memorable.

We'll definately never forget our 5th anniversary. I sure can't say that about any of our other anniversaries. :-)

Where there's a will there's a way....

I am so proud of myself for working out yesterday. I really was tired after a strange day at work. I didn't feel like doing anything because I was exhausted and I had went tanning and stayed just a bit too long and ended up with a rear end that looked the color of lobster. It was painful and frustrating and I just sucked it up and did it anyway. I walked, did my pilates, and my arm weights despite it all.

I even managed to throw something together for dinner, although tonight I think it's fend for yourself for dinner. I have plenty of easy food that Jezi and Shane can have and I'll just eat a lean cusine. :-)

If I keep it up this will be the first full week of doing the full 20 min of pilates and the mile walking and weights. I added to my workout last week, but I didn't get the treadmill until Friday, and so I only walked a few days last week. It's getting to be a bit easier and more routine, and when i get off the treadmill I don't feel like I have to rest quite as long as I had to at first.

Oh, and btw, today is my anniversary, the big 5 year anniversary. I can hardly beleieve it. I sometimes feel like it's been that long, but most days it feels like just yesterday that I met Shane. I am still head over heels for the boy, and I feel so blessed that he came into my life when he did and that I was so lucky to to find such an amazing person to spend the rest of my life with.

Shane is everything I never knew I always wanted. I love the way he smiles and the way he has been there for me through all my bipolar ups and downs. I just feel so freakin lucky. :-)

We're celebrating this weekend with a whole 2 days and nights to ourselves. Jezi is staying with my Mom Friday night and then with her godparents (steven and amanda) Saturday night. It will be so nice to have all that time to ourselves to just relax and enjoy ourselves. It makes me so happy. This is only the second time since Jezi was born that we've had a whole weekend off. It's very exciting.

We love Jezi, but every parent needs a break and a two day break is super appreicated. :-)